


The future was scary

by flowerthought



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:48:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27826291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerthought/pseuds/flowerthought
Summary: Its the night before Todd starts at a new school and he`s not sure what the future will bring
Relationships: Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	The future was scary

The future was scary. It was truly terrifying, and Todd didn’t know what to do. He was standing on the edge of the night, about to fall into a new day. 

A new day where he didn’t know what would happen. A day where he would start a new life, at a new place. Of course, he couldn’t wait to get some time away from his parents, but how could he be himself without everything he knew?

He had lived his life inside these walls, and now he was pushed out of what he had built on his own. It was hard to tell if he had been happy here or not, but that was beside the point. There was no way for him to know if he would be happier tomorrow. 

When his father had sat him down and told him that he would be sent away, he had made a point of how this would be a new start. A new way for Todd to get over his fears and finally talk to people. Get out of his shell and make a life for himself. Be more like his brother. Be a part of the family that he could finally be proud of. Be someone else. 

Todd found it hard enough to be who he was right now, and he didn’t know if there existed something in him that would make his father look him in the eyes.

The terrifying part was that tomorrow would come, and it didn’t matter if he liked it or not. He didn’t have a choice but to go forward on the way that had been laid down for him. He was to young to have an opinion, and it would take a few years before he was allowed to have a voice in his life. If that ever happened. He didn’t like to think about the possibility of always being trapped inside his fathers plans. 

Todd took a shaking breath and looked out the window of his room. Nothing would be different with him gone. There was nothing in the garden that implied that he had grown up there. No marks in the grass where a trampoline could have stood, or a football goal that would have shown the world that there lived someone here that loved to spend his time outside. He never got any of those things no matter how much he begged his father every birthday. And that was okay. He wasn’t mad about that anymore. Now he understood that things cost money. He was just a little bit sad. 

Part of him wanted someone to notice that there was something missing tomorrow when he was miles away at the new school. That he had left a mark that he hadn’t know he had set. Just something more than just one pare of shoes less in the hallway. 

A voice in his head tried to tell him that it was already to late. His chances to mean something was gone, he had wasted it all just because he was afraid to be himself. He let his head hit the pillow, but his eyes wouldn’t close. If he did, the new day would come and start without him being ready. 

But the truth was that he would never be ready for the future.  
*  
His shoelaces were undone, and he couldn’t do anything but stare at them. His parents had just left, and he was standing alone in the schoolyard. Surrounded by boys that would become his classmates. The were hugging their parents, and he could even see tears in some of their eyes. Todd wished that he could cry. Just to know that his life had something that he could miss. 

He didn’t know if he liked his shoes or not, but they fit. They were comfortable, and he couldn’t ask for more. He had got them as a Christmas present from his brother last year, and they were probably the most expensive thing he owned. 

After looking around and making sure that no one was looking at him, he fell to his knees and tied them. This time with a double knot. Someone knocked into him and he was about to say sorry, but when he looked up, they had already gone.

He couldn’t stay there anymore. He was just in the way and he had to get away. The teacher they had talked to earlier had told him that his room was on the second floor. He took his baggage and started to head that way. 

The stairs weren’t as bad as he feared, and he got all his stuff up without asking for help. Just as he was about to open the door of what he believed was his room, two boys came stumbling out. They were laughing and one of them crashed into Todd. He dropped his bag and tripped backwards. He would have fallen if it weren’t for the fact that one of them grabbed his arm. 

Todd could fell the warmth spreading in his cheeks and he wanted to disappear into the ground. One of these boys were his roommate, and he had already embarrassed himself. 

“Oi, sorry mate. Didn’t see you there.” The boy who said it looked to be about Todd’s age. His brown hair was pushed to side and he had a loose tie around his neck. It didn’t look like it bother him that Todd had been in his way. “You are new here aren’t you? I haven’t seen you before. I’m Charlie.” 

“Todd,” he said and took the hand that Charlie was holding out. 

“Cool, nice to meet you. Did you just arrive?”

“Yeah, my parents just dropped me off. Haven’t had time to see my room yet.”

“Cool. By the way, this is my friend Knox who is shit at introducing himself. Sorry for him.” While he said that, he knocked his friend right on the head. There was no surprise on Knox face. He just rolled his eyes and shook his head. 

“Bugger off Charles. I was about to introduce myself. Its not my fault you don’t stop talking.” His grip was a lot stronger than Charlies had been. “Hi I’m Knox, and I’m not Charlies friend.” 

“Hey, you love me. Don’t deny it!” With a small smile, Todd watched them banter. He wanted friends like that, but he wasn’t sure he would be able to say something smart back like they did. They continued fighting for a while, and he was quite sure they had forgotten that he was there. 

Suddenly Knox looked at his clock and groaned. “Shit, I promised I would meet Meeks five minutes ago. It was nice to meet you Todd, and don’t follow me Charlie.” After a nod to Todd, he started hurrying down the corridor. Charlie gave him a little salute and followed right after him while shouting, “See you around Toddy.”

Todd was startled and totally forgot to ask which of the boys who were his roommate. No matter which one of them it was, he guessed he would see a lot of the other one too. Since both left, he didn’t bother to knock on the door and just walked straight in. 

There was another boy inside and Todd didn’t know what to do. The boy was sitting on one of the beds with his head in a book. It didn’t look like he had heard Todd coming in. 

“Uhh hi,” he said trying to get the boys attention. 

The boy looked up at him, and Todd startled at the focused look in his eyes. A smile crept onto his face and he put the book down in his lap. “Hi I’m Neil.”

“I’m Todd. So, are you friends with Charlie or Knox?”

A confused look came over his face, but he kept smiling. “Yeah, I have known them for a few years. Did you meet them on your way up here?”

“Umh yeah. I kind of crashed into Charlie when I was about to upon the door.”

“Ahh, he can be a bit clumsy. He will try to deny it, but I have seen him fall more than anyone else.” Neil’s smile grew while he was talking about his friends. 

“I can see that. I was just wondering, do you know which one of them I’m sharing with?”

The confused look was back. “Sharing what?”

“The room?” 

Neil gave a small laugh, and Todd was worried he had made a total fool of himself. “Well the answer is simple, none of them.”

“Huh? Do you know who it is then?”

“Yeah, it’s a pretty nice guy. Handsome too. I have heard that he is funniest guy on the school. You will probably like him. He is pretty cool.” 

The words reassured Todd. Neil looked like a trustworthy guy, and if he liked his roommate he would probably too. “Are you good friends? I mean since you are here without him and all.” 

“Todd?” The smile on Neil’s face was growing and it looked like he wanted to laugh.

“Yeah?”

“I’m the roommate.”

“Oh,” Todd said in embarrassment. Of course he was the roommate. Why else would he be sitting in the bed? For the second time in half an hour, Todd wanted the ground to swallow him. 

“Who did you think I was?” he asked with a smile and Todd was glad to see that he wasn’t offended.

“I don’t know. I just… I thought it was either Knox or Charlie since they came out the door. I don’t know, sorry.”

“There is nothing to apologise for. Your confused face is cute.” If possible, Todd’s cheeks got even redder at that. “But I’m sorry, you are stuck with me.”

“I’m glad it’s you.” Right after he said it. Todd realised how cheesy that sounded and he wanted to take it back.

“You are?” He couldn’t look at Neil. What if he took the words in a wrong way?

“I mean, Charlie and Knox seemed nice. But you seem nice too. I don’t know, I’m just glad I’m sharing with someone nice?” Todd stumbled through his words and he knew he didn’t make any sense. It didn’t seem to matter to Neil who just seemed amused.

“Well, you seem nice too so I’m glad we are sharing. You know this is your room too, you can come inside.”

Todd had forgot that he was still standing in the doorway, so he took a step inside and closed the door behind him. He didn’t know what to do so he sat his bags down on floor on what he assumed would become his part of the room. Then he took of his shoes and put them next to Neil’s. 

He started to unpack, and Neil picked up his book again. It was a long time since he had felt this comfortable with another person. After he was done, he sat down and looked around at what would become his room for the next few months. 

“Are you done?” Neil had put his book down and was looking straight at Todd again. 

“Yes.”

“Good, we need to do something.” Neil got up from his bed and started to search trough one of the drawers in his desk. After a while he found what he was looking for, a sharpie.

“What do we need that for?” Todd didn’t know what to do, and he was even more confused when Neil opened the door till their closet. 

“Come here.” Neil was down on his knees and he was looking at something. Todd got up from his bed and stood behind him. At first, he didn’t know what he was looking at, but then he saw it. 

It was letters. A lot of them. They were covering the bottom half of the door and some of them looked to be fading away. None of them were making up words, but Todd knew that this was something important. 

“What are they?”

“It’s kind of a tradition. They are the initials of everyone that have lived here before us. The teachers don’t usually let us do anything to our room, but I think most of them let it slide since most of them probably did the same when they went here.” 

Neil started to write his letters, and then he got up and gave the pen to Todd. He got down on the floor and he let his hand swipe over the letters. So many lives captured on the inside of their door. He let his hand stop beside the new N.P. and wrote T.A. next to it. 

They looked good together and he couldn’t stop smiling. His name was now immortalized in the crowd of all the boys that had found themselves in the same position. 

He smiled up at Neil and felt like tomorrow wouldn’t be as scary as today.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading <3  
> I know its kind of silly to write your initals inside a closet (i know, lol) but that was one of the first things my best friend and I did when we shared a room at our old school and it was always so sweet to look at.  
> But im thinking of adding more parts, would anyone be intrested in that? Or is this more of a oneshot thing?


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